The Need to Prove
Spark #347 - I thought I was driven. It was something else.
I grew up in an Italian-American family where my older brother was the king and my younger brother was the prince.
I was the only girl.
The middle child.
The expectations for me were different.
It was baked into our culture.
Nobody said it out loud. They didn’t have to.
So I spent years trying to prove I was just as strong and smart as my brothers.
That need followed me out of my childhood and into my career.
I didn’t see it at first. It just felt like drive.
It took a long time to recognize it for what it was. A little girl still trying to keep up with the boys. Trying to be heard.
The need to prove didn’t stop on its own. I had to catch myself doing it. Again and again.
I still do sometimes.
But I burned that old rulebook years ago. Those old school expectations don’t run me anymore.
You might be carrying something similar. It’s worth looking at.
Ah the Italians and their boys! I married one, and not only was he male, he was the baby of the family!! Double trouble! I was the only non-Italian in the entire group. We lasted 18 years, and had two lovely children, but ultimately it was not meant to be. :( He was a handsome guy, and eventually it was too hard for him to resist the other ladies who admired him. To the family, it must have been my fault, because their little boy was incapable of doing anything wrong. Lol.
That's some really good insight into yourself Cara. I was the first-born of two so I had a whole different level of expectation placed on me and that I placed on myself in that role.